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Everyone Wants to Be Liked: Ego, Insecurity and Projection

The ego is characterized by its fragility; it can be easily broken by insult or simple disagreement. Withdrawing from the status quo indirectly threatens the ego of the crowd. The crowd’s very existence, which perpetuates the status quo, strengthens the collective ego of its followers. People desire approval, and conforming to the crowd is indeed a reliable way to increase the likelihood of gaining it. However, this means relinquishing anything unique and authentic about one’s lifestyle, true passions, and potential self. To accomplish this, one must suppress their ego, as choosing a path divergent from the norm will be inevitably met with opposition. In the modern day, these opponents manifest in various forms of social disapproval, such as cancellation, subtle expressions of disgust in groups, indirect ostracisation, baseless discreditation, censorship, bullying, and so forth. Historically, dissent and deviation from the collective ego could result in potential imprisonment, torture, or death, forcing the dissenter into exile if they were able. The bearded philosopher, Socrates, experienced such treatment when he was sentenced to death for educating the youth, accused of brainwashing their minds and defying the gods. Instead of fleeing, he accepted his absurd death sentence and faced the state’s charges against him with utmost courage.

It is not the individual who expresses a positive fact about themselves that exhibits egotistical tendencies. Rather, it is the person who unjustifiably feels threatened and offended by that individual’s self-confidence. Their very act of taking offence reveals their egocentric view of themselves. They are insecure and overly concerned with how they compare to others. The egotist struggles to openly admit their own faults, and it’s even worse when they have difficulty acknowledging them through attempted introspection. Instead, through psychological projection, they accuse others, particularly those with self-awareness of their abilities, skills, or positive traits, of being the egotists.

Having a degree of self-confidence is not to be seen as a vice. Only those with an open mind, withdrawn from the banes of insecurity, can tame the ego. It is an open mind that welcomes external and internal criticism, followed by the ability to reason without emotional instability, as to whether the criticism is justified or not. All of this is in contrast to the arrival of overconfidence among the egotists and the secretly insecure. People overestimate their ability to perform, and thus to win, a competitive bout. When they lose, they find something external to blame, rather than look into themselves. Matters will not always go the way of the overconfident individual. In the face of this egotism, humility is non-existent. And that, if we are to be talking about morality, is indeed a behavioural vice.

From the book, Denial of Human Nature.

Addendum I: I shall term this concept, Egocentric Insecurity (this term highlights the connection between insecurity and an underlying focus on oneself and that simply being insecure equals being egocentric or self-important; outlined in my book Denial of Human Nature under the subheading, Everyone Wants to Be Liked). I may write further on this topic in a future book.

Addendum II: Deflective Egotism (a situation where the person who is insecure and egotistical projects their own issues onto others by accusing them of being egotistical. Essentially, the person with the actual ego problem is the one pointing fingers; in correlation with the Egocentric Insecurity phenomena). I may write further on this topic in a future book.

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